That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
