We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
