i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
