I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
