um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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