my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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