She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
