I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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