I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
