If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
