I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
bring money and cleavage
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
