I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
