K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
