I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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