u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
