Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
