OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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