end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize