I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
