Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
