I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
