I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
