You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
