It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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