i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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