Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
