He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
