had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
