My balls are so social today.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
