i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize