I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
