Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
