I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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