I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
