So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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