Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's shark week go big or go home
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
