yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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