It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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