thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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