roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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