somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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