why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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