Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
