Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
