I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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