Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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