Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
