new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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