Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
