so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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