I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
