i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
