i think my tv is drunk
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
