Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
