what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
