i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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