I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
