don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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