all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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