this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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