seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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