considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I had to cum in my sink.
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