Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
