47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
