So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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