im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
