a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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