Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
