I think i sorta joined a cult last night
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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