Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
