She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
