Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
