yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
