If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Alive.
So much puke
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
