Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
