guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
