the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
