i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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