I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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