community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
