I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
