Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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